What are Healthy sexual relations?

Each couple is unique and therefore the definition of a healthy sexual relationship is different for each couple. In order to have a healthy sexual relationship, you both must accept that sex is natural, healthy and enjoyable.

However there are a few universal basics including:

How can I increase or change my sex drive?

Sex drives will naturally fluctuate depending on various factors in your life, including stress, age, and life events. Also included are hormonal fluctuation such as childbirth or menopause, medications such as antidepressants, physical problems such as erectile difficulties or pain during intercourse, and emotional difficulties such as low self-esteem or traumatic sexual experiences.

If you feel you have a low sex drive and you wish to do something about it, there are some simple things that you can do. These include improving your fitness level and your physical and emotional health. Simply deciding that you want to be more sexual, can go a long way to helping you find creative ways to get there.

If there are emotional or physical problems that you cannot overcome on your own, seek professional help.

How old is too old for making love?

Dead is too old. As long as you are both relatively healthy, you can continue to make love to any age. If you want to make love when you are eighty, make love until you are eighty. In other words, use it or lose it.

Because of age and hormonal changes arousal and recovery may take longer, but lovemaking is much more than intercourse.

Testosterone levels are higher in the morning, so older couples may have more success making love at that time.

As you age sex may not be as exuberant as when you were young, but it can be much more fulfilling because of the intimacy and trust you have created.

Can masturbation affect my sex life?

Yes. Masturbation can reduce your libido. This can be a real problem if you have a low sex drive to start with.

If masturbation violates your values and you feel guilty about masturbating, then your self-esteem will suffer.

Questions to ask your self:

Does it take away from your relationship with your partner? Does it affect your partner? Does your partner know and approve of your masturbating? Does it lead you to use pornography? Does it cause you to fantasize about others while making love? Do you choose masturbation over lovemaking?

Do we need sex therapy?

Depending on how your sexual relations are affecting the rest of your relationship. How much anxiety or distress is the problem causing you or your partner?

The sex therapist is there to help facilitate healing, learning and growth in the areas of sexual intimacy. The goal of this relationship counseling is to help couples reach their potential and to be happy. It focuses more on intimacy and sex than other relationship issues, these however may impact n the sex life as well.. If there are specific sex problems these can and will be addressed. Sex therapy is talk therapy with the counselor guiding the couple through their concerns. It is also most successful when you are in a committed relationship.

Am I a sex addict?

Sex addiction involves an overwhelming need for sex, which interferes with all other things in life, including work and relationships. The addict will engage in dangerous or risky behaviors, including unprotected sex, seeking stimulation in dangerous situations use of prostitutes or other unknown partners. Sex addicts seldom see their behavior as a problem, though them often feel guilt or shame about their behavior.

Do you engage in the following behaviors?

Do Spanish Fly or other aphrodisiacs really work?

Spanish fly or cantharides as it is sometimes called, has been used for purposes of seduction. Its use is dangerous however, since it is extremely potent and there is only a small difference between effective and harmful doses. Too much Spanish Fly can cause painful urination, fever, sometimes bloody discharge and permanent damage to the kidneys and genitals. Spanish fly is a poison that can burn the mouth and throat, lead to urinary infections and scarring, and sometimes even cause death.

People and cultures since ancient times have attributed sexual powers to various plants, foods, animals and devices. Oysters, which contain zinc, which increases the sperm count and mobility, are one of the favorites and green M&M’s are a more recent urban myth. However there is no conclusive evidence that these or other things work.

Chicago’s Smell and Taste Research Foundation have discovered some interesting facts. One is that the smell of black licorice and the smell of doughnuts have caused increased penile blood flow by 32% and pumpkin pie and lavender increased it to 40%. Vaginal blood flow was increased when smelling a combination of candy and cucumbers. When smelling cherries, barbecue meat, and men’s colognes there was a decrease. Again the evidence is not conclusive.

The most powerful aphrodisiac is the human imagination. Anything that you believe strongly enough to be; will be an aphrodisiac for you. When something increases the sexual tension between partners will increase the likelihood of increased desire and arousal.

What is the difference between sex and lovemaking?

Sex is a physical act that may or may not involve intercourse. Sex can involve one or more people. The focus during sex is on the physical acts and sensations.

Lovemaking involves an intimate emotional connection as well as the physical connections. It involves committed partners, committed to each other and to their relationship. Lovemaking includes a sense of attraction, passion, compassion, romance and excitement. It involves two people, whole beings totally involved with each other, rather than two bodies.

How do I help my partner get excited about lovemaking?

Of utmost importance is “no pressure.” This means several things from both parties. If you are the more excited lover than “no pressure” means that you don’t use guilt or shame to get sex, you cannot demand sex or use coercion. These tactics will only drive those feelings of desire further underground. As the less interested party “no pressure’ involves not forcing yourself to participate unwillingly. It means that there are no self-induced “shoulds” where you should make love simply because you feel obligated.

Make sure that you have connected emotionally with your partner consistently. Make your relationship a fun and loving place to be. Treat them with love, respect and kindness.

Each person is unique and you have to know your lover. Pay attention to what turns them on or excites them. Innocent non-sexual, sensual actions such as loving touches, hugs, kisses, or compliments just because you love each other can heighten arousal levels.

What can I do about erectile or pre-mature ejaculation problems?

The place to begin is with a physical examination from your physician to determine if there are any physical problems or medications that affect sexual functioning. Next you need to consider whether the problem is chronic or temporary. Temporary problems can be caused by long periods of abstinence, new partners, or over-excitement. These types of problems are generally self-resolving as long as you do not over react and panic.

Chronic problems may require the help of a trained professional.

Is oral sex unhealthy or twisted?

Whether or not to have oral sex is a very personal decision, which should never be forced on another. If both parties are comfortable with oral sex it can be an extremely pleasurable experience. However, there are a few considerations. The first is sexual health, STDs can be transmitted through oral, genital contact. The next is hygiene, make sure that you wash thoroughly, with a gentle soap and warm water.

Always make sure the act is loving and that no one is shamed or debased.

Yeast infections and sex?

Yeast infections result from imbalances in the vaginal environment. Yeast is always present in the vaginal, but hormonal changes, lower immunity or use of antibiotics can cause an overgrowth of yeast.

It is possible to pass a yeast infection back and forth between partners, however proper hygiene makes this a rare occurrence.

When treating a yeast infection it is best to abstain from intercourse, (not lovemaking) for a period of time (5-7 days). Intercourse is often painful when a yeast infection is present and abstinence will allow the vaginal tissue to heal. Also condoms and diaphragms may be damaged by some treatments, leaving the chance of unwanted pregnancy or STDs.

Is an orgasm necessary for good sex?

Orgasms are an incredible feeling—more intense orgasms come when you are making love rather than just having sex. It is possible to enjoy lovemaking without orgasms. Just because your body has an orgasm does not mean that you have enjoyed the process. Orgasms do not necessary mean great sex.

Great lovemaking does mean orgasms, but lovemaking can be satisfying, comforting, and enjoyable without orgasms.